Don't lose your cap in search of feathers: Break Ups in the Air

It just seems that if someone doesn’t have a break up, then there is a problem with them. Four break-ups… Appears like it’s a break-up season after all.

It is not surprising at all if someone had a break-up.. rather people talk if they haven’t had one yet. And the very same hypocritical society is taking up the motherly role of consoling the broken hearts through platforms like Facebook (No doubt it is valued at 50 billion USD). What is the point of all this? Is it that we are inspired by the not-so-worthy celebrities who are always on a break-up spree, or do we think we are celebrities ourselves? Or is that one feels insecure that if he/she does not have a break up then he/she is not happening or accepted by one’s peers? Is this the New “Normal”?

Last week, I was in IISc (shame on your part, incase you didn’t know it) for some personal work, and eventually ended up with a intriguing discussion with some of the folks, on how engineers are different. There was a clear 75% majority that engineers were different (not in terms of knowledge, but the way their thoughts are shaped/formed), but then there was still a point of view that studying engineering hardly made a difference, and it is all dependent on the person, and not the course. After solid 4hrs, and realizing that 75% could still not convince the remaining 25%, the discussion came to a close, and we all decided to change gears.

Yesterday, there was a mail sent by this brave guy (who essentially formed the minority 25%), accepting that engineers are different, and I was totally taken aback, by the way this whole episode had shaped up.

First, this was truly an illustration of WIN-WIN situation. Both the sides has so many things to take. I got an opportunity to hear the other points of view, which made me prepare in terms of handling those questions, if asked in another quorum. My brave friend got to realize that the very fact he was questioning every point, proved that he was indeed an engineer as rational as we were stressing on the same point.

Second, your instinct and guts are necessary, but not sufficient to prove any point. You need to garner good amount of rationale and points, to prove it.

Third, you don’t need to be on the opposite side to get noticed.

Fourth, it takes sheer guts to accept the other-side, and always look at things with pragmatic eyes.

Last but the most important - Discussions are not meant to come to conclusions, but to hear out to others, and convince yourself first if you were right or wrong. None of us took it to our ego, on any of the points and it was amazing that we gave a solid 4hrs time to the discussion. Many times, I myself have cut the discussions just because I was sure that I am right, but it just showed how immature I was not to hear the other side.

How can we relate the above incidence to broken hearts, and / or decide what to expect from any relationship? Treat every interaction in a similar manner, and then just change the numbers. There, it was 3:1, but here it is 1:1. Everything else remain the same.

But I see there is a fundamental over-arching assumption here - that he/she is your lover/partner/(what ever crap you call so). Remove this assumption and treat him/her as your another friend (off-course with a slightly higher priority than others), it should solve a lot of expectation issues. But once u go into a partner level, it is very difficult to come down to a friend's level. Beware of this!!!

No surprise, I have seen the best couples coming out from good friends first who eventually ended up in a nuptial day. Like I generally say - If you are friends before marriage - you have all the love available for post marriage activities, but if you empty the container of love before marriage only, there is hardly anything left after that.