Break Ups in the Air

It just seems that if someone doesn’t have a break up, then there is a problem with them. Four break-ups… Appears like it’s a break-up season after all.

It is not surprising at all if someone had a break-up.. rather people talk if they haven’t had one yet. And the very same hypocritical society is taking up the motherly role of consoling the broken hearts through platforms like Facebook (No doubt it is valued at 50 billion USD). What is the point of all this? Is it that we are inspired by the not-so-worthy celebrities who are always on a break-up spree, or do we think we are celebrities ourselves? Or is that one feels insecure that if he/she does not have a break up then he/she is not happening or accepted by one’s peers? Is this the New “Normal”?
 
Last week, I was in IISc (shame on your part, incase you didn’t know it) for some personal work, and eventually ended up with a intriguing discussion with some of the folks, on how engineers are different. There was a clear 75% majority that engineers were different (not in terms of knowledge, but the way their thoughts are shaped/formed), but then there was still a point of view that studying engineering hardly made a difference, and it is all dependent on the person, and not the course.  After solid 4hrs, and realizing that 75% could still not convince the remaining 25%, the discussion came to a close, and we all decided to change gears.

Yesterday, there was a mail sent by this brave guy (who essentially formed the minority 25%), accepting that engineers are different, and I was totally taken aback, by the way this whole episode had shaped up.

First, this was truly an illustration of WIN-WIN situation. Both the sides has so many things to take. I got an opportunity to hear the other points of view, which made me prepare in terms of handling those questions, if asked in another quorum. My brave friend got to realize that the very fact he was questioning every point, proved that he was indeed an engineer as rational as we were stressing on the same point.

Second, your instinct and guts are necessary, but not sufficient to prove any point. You need to garner good amount of rationale and points, to prove it.

Third, you don’t need to be on the opposite side to get noticed.

Fourth, it takes sheer guts to accept the other-side, and always look at things with pragmatic eyes.

Last but the most important - Discussions are not meant to come to conclusions, but to hear out to others, and convince yourself first if you were  right or wrong. None of us took it to our ego, on any of the points and it was amazing that we gave a solid 4hrs time to the discussion. Many times, I myself have cut the discussions just because I was sure that I am right, but it just showed how immature I was not to hear the other side.

How can we relate the above incidence to broken hearts, and / or decide what to expect from any relationship? Treat every interaction in a similar manner, and then just change the numbers. There, it was 3:1, but here it is 1:1. Everything else remain the same.

But I see there is a fundamental over-arching assumption here - that he/she is your lover/partner/(what ever crap you call so). Remove this assumption and treat him/her as your another friend (off-course with a slightly higher priority than others), it should solve a lot of expectation issues. But once u go into a partner level, it is very difficult to come down to a friend's level. Beware of this!!!

No surprise, I have seen the best couples coming out from good friends first who eventually ended up in a nuptial day. Like I generally say - If you are friends before marriage - you have all the love available for post marriage activities, but if you empty the container of love before marriage only, there is hardly anything left after that.

Remember what Friedrich Nietzsche said - "It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

P.S. - I have had only good friends, so this might be in many ways, a novice write-up. Forgive my ignorance and in-experience.

Return of the draupadi...

Yet another Mahabharat…  I find it difficult not to relate a few things to history. It is so difficult to digest the fact that history really repeats. N Yes it does.

The latest census says that for every 1000 males, there are just 914 females. Wait.. Let me correct it - It is child sex ratio (CSR) n yes Corporate Social Responsibility too.. :P

News is all about India not having progressed, collective failure, blah blah blah…

What is more scary for me is the trend - India's sex ratio has been falling continuously since 1961, when it stood at 976 girls for every 1,000 boys and it is the lowest now standing at 914. I don’t really understand why should one even kill a girl, with current situation. Yet another fact is that urban sex ratios are lower than rural; so it is not lack of education that is responsible - It is sheer foolishness.

Going by the common-sense, in all probability, girls have more bargaining power in any field, given the scarcity of female talent. If a father thinks that he should be spending a fortune for his daughter's marriage - he is the biggest fool.

Sirji, you are having a diamond, market it in a right way and maintain it well and people will pay you. You might as well be flooded with offers, the way IITians are flooded with jobs.  I remember my grandpa sharing his thoughts that girls are always a better bet than having boys. If a girl is born, they might have to take care till her marriage, but if it is a boy he might have to take care of that idiot till either of them dies. Glad he realized that a decade back!!!

For those mothers, searching for prospective daughter-in-laws, you better sober up, lest your son remains a kunwara all through his life. This applies to all the fair & handsome prospective bride-grooms. Having a population of 1.21 billion, and almost 50% less than 30, imagine the commotion that would be caused for bride-hunting.

Seeing the way things have changed, I would not be surprised by the next census, polygamy would be a common phenomenon. There might be many draupadis in this eventful country, and for all you know men would be forced for such propositions, or rather they might not have much choice. Remember - "Beggars cannot be choosers". 

And these panchalis need not be born out of fire, any normal fetus would do :P

Now think…

Yet another logical consequence which one can foresee, and maybe a probable solution too is the growth of gay marriages. Though this would turn out to be a sad state of affairs, society might become more tolerant with these things.

Past 3 weeks…

The last 3 weeks, I must say has been pretty exciting - Exciting because it was a period of confusion, of serious thought indulgence, lots of human insights, emotions crossing all paths.  Not that all these are seldom for me, but this time - there was clarity after all the chaos that had happened.

2 major incidences, which literally took me by a shock -

• Diagnosis of cancer for my very close associate. There has been much noise about cancer cure, but ideally there isn't any till now (atleast for those in the later stage).  Though my association with this friend of mine is around 7 yrs old, we had developed a lot of closeness, and mutual respect for each other. Infact, it is this association which showed a novice engineering student, the real business world for the first-time.   Today, when I look back, those memories are still so alive - the moments when we fought for all the silly reasons, the time when she took me to a paani-puri shop, and made me understand that I had just lost a few thousands, and the days when she guided me about the various people - how politics play around, and how being selfish is not a crime, but necessity. I did later realize that I wasn’t made for such an environment, and kept myself away. But we never lost touch.  When I first got to hear this news, I mocked at her (just preparing myself to face the unwarranted truth), until she uttered a shrill cry. For the first time, she told - "Shravan, please pray for me".

• 2 weeks back, when I was in Chennai, I got a call from one of my school friends, that her marriage is fixed. I casually congratulated her. First few questions in my mind - So what…?? Why is she telling me..?? Should I dance in her marriage…?? After 2-3 min of senseless chit-chatting, she asked me - "Are you happy with this marriage?" and this would be the last question which I would expect from her.

These 2 incidences brings out one main thing about females - They are damn bold, I must say. Its just amazing they face situations, the way they get things out of everything. I actually didn’t know how to react in both the situations. In the first-one, she knew very clearly, where she was heading, and what best can be done at that stage. In the second one, she was sassy. I could never imagine myself, asking such a question, in such situation. It was sheer silence, for the first 10 seconds after she asked that question. Later, I skirted the question, by asking more about the groom n stuff. She got the answer.

These are the trying times for me. I only hope I don’t lose much in coming weeks.