Being Wrong...

The 10th and 12th Std public exam results have been taking considerable space in daily newspapers, the past one week. My cousin was also one of thousands of students who wrote their 10 Std exams this year. She has been the topper consistently from the 1st Std in her school. But this time, just at the crucial moment, she slipped to 3rd, and that too by just 2 marks. When I congratulated her, my aunt told she was so unhappy that she missed on the topper slot this time.

Thankfully it was just another exam, and not a situation where she is standing on a wet rock in the middle of the ocean. If it was so, then there could not be any scope for being wrong. But we are in a world, where we can be wrong, though we may not chose to. I pity all those people who have consistently topped their classes, because life is not just about knowing the theory, but is all about being practical. 

I still remember in a day in my 4th or 5th Std, when for the first time, I lost a mark in Mathematics. I was flogged that day at home. That was the day (from the past I remember), when, for the first time, I got a feel of how it was to fail. From that day, failures have been a part of my life.

Your age ideally should not be determined by the number of years you have passed in this world. It should ideally be based upon the number of mistakes you have done. It should depend upon the number of wrong decisions you have taken. This precisely answers the question of many people who think I have grown older than what my age indicate.

As you grow, the consequences of being wrong, though not fatal, seems embarrassing. For the most of us, being wrong is a dead-end. But ideally it is just another wrong way, and you should not to take that path again. You can't unearth new truths, if you are obsessed with being correct all the time.  I remember, one of my school teachers telling that, people who are awarded doctorates need not always be those who invented something, they were awarded even if they found that a particular combination of chemicals wouldn’t produce the required results. This gave the world the knowledge about one wrong combination, and no one would spend time on the same combination.

So, it is very important to make mistakes, and be open to accept them and move ahead, with new mistakes… After all that’s how one grows..

"It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated... it is finished when it surrenders." - Ben Stein

Money Matters...

Good friends and money are rarely coupled. But the best of friends are those who are associated with money too. Money challenges the trust element within friendship between people. Today, long term associates are those who have been able to build and maintain trust by not just words, but also through money matters. Lending and borrowing, need not always be associated with cheating and breach of trust. Nevertheless, such stories make people insecure against borrowing from the closest of friends. They rather chose to borrow from the third party, so that even in the worst scenario, they just lose the trust of the person, who they may not care much.

I had a friend of mine, in my school, with whom I am not in touch with, but he was the first one to come to my mind, when I wanted to  borrow any money. But I chose him, so that I keep things at a transactional level, and I don’t take him for granted. And it paid off. We had good relations, till we parted ways as we chose different education streams later.  But that was an amateurish outlook.

Money actually gives a great opportunity to enhance the trust quotient between friends, it is wise to utilize it with the best of people you are associated with.  But a word of caution, if trust is the reward you get, there is a risk which comes along. It is the risk of losing a good friend, incase you don’t deliver on time, and more importantly, you fail to command any respect from him.

Equally important is to recognize those who helped you at the right time, and appreciate their faith and trust. Returning money, may balance your scores on a financial balance sheet, not on the 'trust' balance sheet.

Don’t think too much!!!

Having emphasized on maintaining relationships along with money issues, I honestly don’t suggest anyone to think every time you ask your friend for money. This was with regard to any major transactions and not for Coffee-level transactions. Else you will be screwing your own happiness….

Good v/s Granted

It is also worthy to have a clear demarcation of friends who are good to have and those whom you can take for granted. The latter category is like the zenith of trust and companionship. So you can afford not to pay your debt only with them. Don’t risk with the former group…

Happy Companionship!!!

Break Ups in the Air

It just seems that if someone doesn’t have a break up, then there is a problem with them. Four break-ups… Appears like it’s a break-up season after all.

It is not surprising at all if someone had a break-up.. rather people talk if they haven’t had one yet. And the very same hypocritical society is taking up the motherly role of consoling the broken hearts through platforms like Facebook (No doubt it is valued at 50 billion USD). What is the point of all this? Is it that we are inspired by the not-so-worthy celebrities who are always on a break-up spree, or do we think we are celebrities ourselves? Or is that one feels insecure that if he/she does not have a break up then he/she is not happening or accepted by one’s peers? Is this the New “Normal”?
 
Last week, I was in IISc (shame on your part, incase you didn’t know it) for some personal work, and eventually ended up with a intriguing discussion with some of the folks, on how engineers are different. There was a clear 75% majority that engineers were different (not in terms of knowledge, but the way their thoughts are shaped/formed), but then there was still a point of view that studying engineering hardly made a difference, and it is all dependent on the person, and not the course.  After solid 4hrs, and realizing that 75% could still not convince the remaining 25%, the discussion came to a close, and we all decided to change gears.

Yesterday, there was a mail sent by this brave guy (who essentially formed the minority 25%), accepting that engineers are different, and I was totally taken aback, by the way this whole episode had shaped up.

First, this was truly an illustration of WIN-WIN situation. Both the sides has so many things to take. I got an opportunity to hear the other points of view, which made me prepare in terms of handling those questions, if asked in another quorum. My brave friend got to realize that the very fact he was questioning every point, proved that he was indeed an engineer as rational as we were stressing on the same point.

Second, your instinct and guts are necessary, but not sufficient to prove any point. You need to garner good amount of rationale and points, to prove it.

Third, you don’t need to be on the opposite side to get noticed.

Fourth, it takes sheer guts to accept the other-side, and always look at things with pragmatic eyes.

Last but the most important - Discussions are not meant to come to conclusions, but to hear out to others, and convince yourself first if you were  right or wrong. None of us took it to our ego, on any of the points and it was amazing that we gave a solid 4hrs time to the discussion. Many times, I myself have cut the discussions just because I was sure that I am right, but it just showed how immature I was not to hear the other side.

How can we relate the above incidence to broken hearts, and / or decide what to expect from any relationship? Treat every interaction in a similar manner, and then just change the numbers. There, it was 3:1, but here it is 1:1. Everything else remain the same.

But I see there is a fundamental over-arching assumption here - that he/she is your lover/partner/(what ever crap you call so). Remove this assumption and treat him/her as your another friend (off-course with a slightly higher priority than others), it should solve a lot of expectation issues. But once u go into a partner level, it is very difficult to come down to a friend's level. Beware of this!!!

No surprise, I have seen the best couples coming out from good friends first who eventually ended up in a nuptial day. Like I generally say - If you are friends before marriage - you have all the love available for post marriage activities, but if you empty the container of love before marriage only, there is hardly anything left after that.

Remember what Friedrich Nietzsche said - "It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

P.S. - I have had only good friends, so this might be in many ways, a novice write-up. Forgive my ignorance and in-experience.

Return of the draupadi...

Yet another Mahabharat…  I find it difficult not to relate a few things to history. It is so difficult to digest the fact that history really repeats. N Yes it does.

The latest census says that for every 1000 males, there are just 914 females. Wait.. Let me correct it - It is child sex ratio (CSR) n yes Corporate Social Responsibility too.. :P

News is all about India not having progressed, collective failure, blah blah blah…

What is more scary for me is the trend - India's sex ratio has been falling continuously since 1961, when it stood at 976 girls for every 1,000 boys and it is the lowest now standing at 914. I don’t really understand why should one even kill a girl, with current situation. Yet another fact is that urban sex ratios are lower than rural; so it is not lack of education that is responsible - It is sheer foolishness.

Going by the common-sense, in all probability, girls have more bargaining power in any field, given the scarcity of female talent. If a father thinks that he should be spending a fortune for his daughter's marriage - he is the biggest fool.

Sirji, you are having a diamond, market it in a right way and maintain it well and people will pay you. You might as well be flooded with offers, the way IITians are flooded with jobs.  I remember my grandpa sharing his thoughts that girls are always a better bet than having boys. If a girl is born, they might have to take care till her marriage, but if it is a boy he might have to take care of that idiot till either of them dies. Glad he realized that a decade back!!!

For those mothers, searching for prospective daughter-in-laws, you better sober up, lest your son remains a kunwara all through his life. This applies to all the fair & handsome prospective bride-grooms. Having a population of 1.21 billion, and almost 50% less than 30, imagine the commotion that would be caused for bride-hunting.

Seeing the way things have changed, I would not be surprised by the next census, polygamy would be a common phenomenon. There might be many draupadis in this eventful country, and for all you know men would be forced for such propositions, or rather they might not have much choice. Remember - "Beggars cannot be choosers". 

And these panchalis need not be born out of fire, any normal fetus would do :P

Now think…

Yet another logical consequence which one can foresee, and maybe a probable solution too is the growth of gay marriages. Though this would turn out to be a sad state of affairs, society might become more tolerant with these things.