Socially ill-social..

Today... I am very happy primarily for 2 reasons... First - An experiment which was awaiting completion from past 3 yrs completed today... and the results weren’t surprising. Second – A day spent silently, yet remarkably...

Let me explain the first – Few years back when I opened an account in orkut, then leading social networking site in India, I made an observation (which offcourse many would have also made) that remarkably more number of people started wishing on birthdays, thanks to the person’s DOB displayed on his profile. I wanted to check, does this enhance your relationship quotient or decrease... Today, it is interesting to note that inspite of my DOB not displayed on FB, only those people who have wished me offline were the ones who wrote wished on my wall; else it is an absolute zilch. This is not a complaint against anyone, as I don’t really measure one on his/her ability to remember any bday, as I am only weak at it. But it is interesting to know what impact this social media has made on this society. 

Recently when I called one of my MBA mate, he said that I am not active on FB, hence he didn’t mind to contact me. Ideally it should be the other way around – if someone is not active, then you might have to make an effort to find about that person. This brought about an insight that people have started to believe that FB is the universe, but the fact is FB is a subset of the universe around you. But today, if someone is outside FB, he/she is dead virtually.

Few years back, I had attended a seminar of Shiv Khera, and he had mentioned 4 types of friendships:

1. Friendship of Convenience – Convenience goes, friendship goes
2. Friendship of Usefulness – Usefulness goes, friendship goes
3. When you both have common enemy – Common enemy goes, friendship goes
4. Finally, the most sustainable one – Friendship built on mutual respect.

Today, if I am allowed, I would like to add one more thing –

• Friendship of Social Networks – Social Network goes / even one friend goes out of social network, friendship goes

I had this realisation long back, and I was waiting for something to prove my hypothesis.

This is again, not an allegation against those who didn’t wish me, but just an analysis, I am sure few of them would have remembered but due to genuine reasons could not have.

Second reason why I am happy today is – for the first time I applied for a leave on my bday, met few people and spent good time. Though it was very silent, but it was memorable for more than one reason –

1. Realized that marriage is not just about you, but the society around you – especially your friends, true friends. Never ever let them out. Today, I didn’t meet even a single friend, and that makes them all the more special.
2. For the first time, there was someone on this earth who applied leave just to make my birthday memorable. I didn’t even have an idea that this could happen to me.
3. My close family isn’t bad either, they also proved that they can throw a surprise party... again for the first time.

P.S. This is again an impulsive one. I wanted to write a detailed post on the social networks, but this came out first..  :PP

Intense Passion in Hindsight

October 5 – Probably the day which most of us would not want to remember – the death of a magician called “Steve Jobs”. This is definitely not another obit. I was totally depressed the whole day, for the same reason, thinking of one of the two people whom I have admired.  The whole media was ushering the same news over n over again, making me all the more depressed. Oct 6^th was a holiday for Newspapers, thanks to “Ayudha Pooja” festival. On Oct 7^th, as I received the newspaper, I knew what the front page news was, but what I didn’t know was the article which came on the page 4. Now I needed this bit to pull me off my depression and provide some food for thought.

Steven.P.Jobs (1955 - 2011)

Yes – Mathoor Krishnamurthi, a Sanskrit scholar who probably did more than what life would have expected him to do. If my grandfather would have been alive, he would have definitely been depressed; probably more than what I was for Jobs. I remember seeing his programs explaining the essence of Bhagavat Gita, every morning in a Kannada channel.

This must be a story around a few years ago (might be during engineering; though not sure) – when I used stay at my granny’s place if I was late from college or was just lazy to drive back home. I used to sleep in the hall watching TV. At around 6:30am, my grandfather used to come down and switch on the T.V for this program, where Mathoor Krishnamurthi used to explain verses of Gita. I used to get irritated initially; but what caught my attention was – this person had tears in his eyes whenever he was explaining few intense lines of Gita. I am generally not awed at people without testing them thoroughly (that’s probably one reason, I have had only 2 persons whom I admired intensely); but frankly this person had absolutely no reason to create a drama of crying on-screen, when his audience were few (imagine at 6:30 am – should be only grandparents like mine); had established credibility in the subject; TRP is out of question totally. Now this is what comes closest to intense passion – quality which Steve also exhibited. I could see truth in Mathoor’s eyes – it was just drops of true tears n not buckets of glycerine. I later asked my grandparents about his credibility and stuff, and he turned out to be absolutely spectacular – His life was a worthy one.

Mathoor Krishnamurthi

Now there was Jobs who was an excellent marketer, who had amazing negotiation skills, probably the best the world has ever seen; and here was Krishnamurthi, who grew from strength to strength in this life, but later dedicated himself for spreading the essence of our culture across the world, effectively he marketed our culture, spread the knowledge to alleviate poverty, made Sanskrit an attractive form of poetry.

Offcourse, this news would have died under the Job’s one. Nevertheless, here is a hats-off to the person who proved that you don’t need to be a multi-millionaire to show off what you have achieved – you can just prove to yourself that you are worth the space which you are consuming on this earth – How many of us are really worth...??? Think about it...

P.S. Do read Sudha Murthy’s comments here...

Independence!!! Really???

I am not sure what exactly people think of independence or being independent. Whenever I think about independence, whether it is a country or an individual, it means the same, the definition shouldn’t change at a 50,000 ft level. Till before 2 years, the idea of independence was very abstract for me. However, there has been good amount of clarity in what it actually means, now. But as I was thinking about the long weekend for this Independence Day, it suddenly struck me that India’s independence is hardly different from mine and yours.

There are many definitions about being independent, the most naive one being that people need not depend on others. It is very tough to digest this definition. How many of us would have told – “I am independent, I don’t need his/her help”. How true is that?? Slowly, I have understood the real meaning of that line; it means – “I am independent, I don’t need his/her help, there are others too”. This realisation shook me slightly, but I have accepted it as the truth.

Consider my country India, for instance – What did she achieve post Independence? She never learnt to live on her own; she never learnt to sustain everything by herself; she never learnt to live in isolation. But she got the independence for taking her own decisions, independence to decide her own course of development, independence of spoiling herself too. She would have been almost dead economically, if Dr.Manmohan Singh hadn’t opened the collaboration doors in 1991. Off-course we didn’t make the best use of it, but that step was most probably the only alternative to come out of the debt we were in then.

That’s more or less, what an independent individual also does by being independent. Just think what you can achieve just by yourself in this era of globalisation. Nothing!!! The help you receive might be from your parents, friends, colleagues, etc., but you definitely require it. It is just that you decide whom to ask and whom not to. You can change your preferences based on the situation you are.


So Independence is not living by yourself, but deciding on whom you can depend and whom you cannot. And that’s exactly the reason for which the whole concept of society evolved amongst us. However, being human and independent doesn’t just stop at deciding whom to depend and whom not to, but being thankful for the same, irrespective of whether you chose to ask him/her again or not. After all that’s the core of being human – Gratitude!!! Never lose it.


Happy Real Independence Day!!!

Never Off Balance!!!

Well... it’s been a very long time that I have posted on my blog... Thanks to some happy n sad developments that have been going on in my life.... But I have to share this...

Many times I wondered, if I could ever honestly say – “This is the happiest day in my life”... I don’t think so, thanks to the balancing effect in the nature of events that happen in my life. It might be the day when I relished being the only person to get 99 (highest) in maths and then realising that I had done miserably in chemistry, or a recent one, where I was relishing the fact people who were far (abroad and/or outstation) remembered and called me, and ending the day on a note that there mirror incidences too. It’s not that all good things ended on a sad note. I have been thankful sometimes during those times when things were so miserable, but still it alternated with one or the other good news, again providing the balancing effect. The day I got my worst marks in engineering ended with the news of my placements was one such incidence. Surprising but true...

We also come across the balancing effect of our bodies through 7 chakras. This is the same concept which gave rise to the theory of the net energy is constant in the universe. These instances re-iterate the fact which my mom had shared with me, which I shall tell you all after some more experimentation n validation... So hang on...

Hmm.. Aaa..

P.S. I now realise that the Boomerang post which I had posted sometime back also vaguely resembles the balancing effect which I have discussed here

Gone in a second...

Few days back, I was in midst of reading a SMS, and suddenly my phone gave an alert... N I didn’t even see what that was, and I just pressed yes, just to realize few seconds later that my whole inbox, messages, saved folders, everything was erased… I had few appreciation messages, thank you stuff, and offcourse the most disheartening ones too. I lost them all. But suddenly I realized I have just started a new beginning, totally afresh…

It is seldom that I get such a feeling, but it was all worth it. Those messages actually reminded me of people who were past, friends who weren’t worth, many mistakes I had done… I personally didn’t wish to lose it because I don’t like to forget the past, especially if it was challenging, n it taught me a lesson. But this foolish act of mine, has actually made me light, seems like I got one more permit to do mistakes. Hmm… Interesting…

Being Wrong...

The 10th and 12th Std public exam results have been taking considerable space in daily newspapers, the past one week. My cousin was also one of thousands of students who wrote their 10 Std exams this year. She has been the topper consistently from the 1st Std in her school. But this time, just at the crucial moment, she slipped to 3rd, and that too by just 2 marks. When I congratulated her, my aunt told she was so unhappy that she missed on the topper slot this time.

Thankfully it was just another exam, and not a situation where she is standing on a wet rock in the middle of the ocean. If it was so, then there could not be any scope for being wrong. But we are in a world, where we can be wrong, though we may not chose to. I pity all those people who have consistently topped their classes, because life is not just about knowing the theory, but is all about being practical. 

I still remember in a day in my 4th or 5th Std, when for the first time, I lost a mark in Mathematics. I was flogged that day at home. That was the day (from the past I remember), when, for the first time, I got a feel of how it was to fail. From that day, failures have been a part of my life.

Your age ideally should not be determined by the number of years you have passed in this world. It should ideally be based upon the number of mistakes you have done. It should depend upon the number of wrong decisions you have taken. This precisely answers the question of many people who think I have grown older than what my age indicate.

As you grow, the consequences of being wrong, though not fatal, seems embarrassing. For the most of us, being wrong is a dead-end. But ideally it is just another wrong way, and you should not to take that path again. You can't unearth new truths, if you are obsessed with being correct all the time.  I remember, one of my school teachers telling that, people who are awarded doctorates need not always be those who invented something, they were awarded even if they found that a particular combination of chemicals wouldn’t produce the required results. This gave the world the knowledge about one wrong combination, and no one would spend time on the same combination.

So, it is very important to make mistakes, and be open to accept them and move ahead, with new mistakes… After all that’s how one grows..

"It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated... it is finished when it surrenders." - Ben Stein

Money Matters...

Good friends and money are rarely coupled. But the best of friends are those who are associated with money too. Money challenges the trust element within friendship between people. Today, long term associates are those who have been able to build and maintain trust by not just words, but also through money matters. Lending and borrowing, need not always be associated with cheating and breach of trust. Nevertheless, such stories make people insecure against borrowing from the closest of friends. They rather chose to borrow from the third party, so that even in the worst scenario, they just lose the trust of the person, who they may not care much.

I had a friend of mine, in my school, with whom I am not in touch with, but he was the first one to come to my mind, when I wanted to  borrow any money. But I chose him, so that I keep things at a transactional level, and I don’t take him for granted. And it paid off. We had good relations, till we parted ways as we chose different education streams later.  But that was an amateurish outlook.

Money actually gives a great opportunity to enhance the trust quotient between friends, it is wise to utilize it with the best of people you are associated with.  But a word of caution, if trust is the reward you get, there is a risk which comes along. It is the risk of losing a good friend, incase you don’t deliver on time, and more importantly, you fail to command any respect from him.

Equally important is to recognize those who helped you at the right time, and appreciate their faith and trust. Returning money, may balance your scores on a financial balance sheet, not on the 'trust' balance sheet.

Don’t think too much!!!

Having emphasized on maintaining relationships along with money issues, I honestly don’t suggest anyone to think every time you ask your friend for money. This was with regard to any major transactions and not for Coffee-level transactions. Else you will be screwing your own happiness….

Good v/s Granted

It is also worthy to have a clear demarcation of friends who are good to have and those whom you can take for granted. The latter category is like the zenith of trust and companionship. So you can afford not to pay your debt only with them. Don’t risk with the former group…

Happy Companionship!!!

Break Ups in the Air

It just seems that if someone doesn’t have a break up, then there is a problem with them. Four break-ups… Appears like it’s a break-up season after all.

It is not surprising at all if someone had a break-up.. rather people talk if they haven’t had one yet. And the very same hypocritical society is taking up the motherly role of consoling the broken hearts through platforms like Facebook (No doubt it is valued at 50 billion USD). What is the point of all this? Is it that we are inspired by the not-so-worthy celebrities who are always on a break-up spree, or do we think we are celebrities ourselves? Or is that one feels insecure that if he/she does not have a break up then he/she is not happening or accepted by one’s peers? Is this the New “Normal”?
 
Last week, I was in IISc (shame on your part, incase you didn’t know it) for some personal work, and eventually ended up with a intriguing discussion with some of the folks, on how engineers are different. There was a clear 75% majority that engineers were different (not in terms of knowledge, but the way their thoughts are shaped/formed), but then there was still a point of view that studying engineering hardly made a difference, and it is all dependent on the person, and not the course.  After solid 4hrs, and realizing that 75% could still not convince the remaining 25%, the discussion came to a close, and we all decided to change gears.

Yesterday, there was a mail sent by this brave guy (who essentially formed the minority 25%), accepting that engineers are different, and I was totally taken aback, by the way this whole episode had shaped up.

First, this was truly an illustration of WIN-WIN situation. Both the sides has so many things to take. I got an opportunity to hear the other points of view, which made me prepare in terms of handling those questions, if asked in another quorum. My brave friend got to realize that the very fact he was questioning every point, proved that he was indeed an engineer as rational as we were stressing on the same point.

Second, your instinct and guts are necessary, but not sufficient to prove any point. You need to garner good amount of rationale and points, to prove it.

Third, you don’t need to be on the opposite side to get noticed.

Fourth, it takes sheer guts to accept the other-side, and always look at things with pragmatic eyes.

Last but the most important - Discussions are not meant to come to conclusions, but to hear out to others, and convince yourself first if you were  right or wrong. None of us took it to our ego, on any of the points and it was amazing that we gave a solid 4hrs time to the discussion. Many times, I myself have cut the discussions just because I was sure that I am right, but it just showed how immature I was not to hear the other side.

How can we relate the above incidence to broken hearts, and / or decide what to expect from any relationship? Treat every interaction in a similar manner, and then just change the numbers. There, it was 3:1, but here it is 1:1. Everything else remain the same.

But I see there is a fundamental over-arching assumption here - that he/she is your lover/partner/(what ever crap you call so). Remove this assumption and treat him/her as your another friend (off-course with a slightly higher priority than others), it should solve a lot of expectation issues. But once u go into a partner level, it is very difficult to come down to a friend's level. Beware of this!!!

No surprise, I have seen the best couples coming out from good friends first who eventually ended up in a nuptial day. Like I generally say - If you are friends before marriage - you have all the love available for post marriage activities, but if you empty the container of love before marriage only, there is hardly anything left after that.

Remember what Friedrich Nietzsche said - "It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

P.S. - I have had only good friends, so this might be in many ways, a novice write-up. Forgive my ignorance and in-experience.

Return of the draupadi...

Yet another Mahabharat…  I find it difficult not to relate a few things to history. It is so difficult to digest the fact that history really repeats. N Yes it does.

The latest census says that for every 1000 males, there are just 914 females. Wait.. Let me correct it - It is child sex ratio (CSR) n yes Corporate Social Responsibility too.. :P

News is all about India not having progressed, collective failure, blah blah blah…

What is more scary for me is the trend - India's sex ratio has been falling continuously since 1961, when it stood at 976 girls for every 1,000 boys and it is the lowest now standing at 914. I don’t really understand why should one even kill a girl, with current situation. Yet another fact is that urban sex ratios are lower than rural; so it is not lack of education that is responsible - It is sheer foolishness.

Going by the common-sense, in all probability, girls have more bargaining power in any field, given the scarcity of female talent. If a father thinks that he should be spending a fortune for his daughter's marriage - he is the biggest fool.

Sirji, you are having a diamond, market it in a right way and maintain it well and people will pay you. You might as well be flooded with offers, the way IITians are flooded with jobs.  I remember my grandpa sharing his thoughts that girls are always a better bet than having boys. If a girl is born, they might have to take care till her marriage, but if it is a boy he might have to take care of that idiot till either of them dies. Glad he realized that a decade back!!!

For those mothers, searching for prospective daughter-in-laws, you better sober up, lest your son remains a kunwara all through his life. This applies to all the fair & handsome prospective bride-grooms. Having a population of 1.21 billion, and almost 50% less than 30, imagine the commotion that would be caused for bride-hunting.

Seeing the way things have changed, I would not be surprised by the next census, polygamy would be a common phenomenon. There might be many draupadis in this eventful country, and for all you know men would be forced for such propositions, or rather they might not have much choice. Remember - "Beggars cannot be choosers". 

And these panchalis need not be born out of fire, any normal fetus would do :P

Now think…

Yet another logical consequence which one can foresee, and maybe a probable solution too is the growth of gay marriages. Though this would turn out to be a sad state of affairs, society might become more tolerant with these things.

To hug or not ??

Why do we hug each other so much..?? For me it doesn’t mean much, as long as the intentions are clean; Read this extract -

When Ravan kidnapped Sita, Ram was inconsolable in his grief. All the trees and the animals and the men and women of the forest tried to hug him. But he rejected their embrace. “Only Sita can touch me with such affection,” he said. Then he saw the disappointed faces of everyone around who was reaching out to comfort him and said, “In my next life, when I am Krishna, all of you shall be gopis and we shall dance together in Madhuvan.”

Now u decide if you are Ram or Krishna - I have both in me. Period.

God in Small things..

It was morning 9:45, and I was as usually struck in the traffic jam.  I was again upset with the traffic though the old songs CD kept me going, and gave me a feel good factor. In one of the traffic signals, I incidentally came across this message behind an auto - "Herigege Uchita", meaning - "Free for passenger going for a delivery".  This message made me restless till I found my mobile to take a pic of the auto. Later, I was constantly thinking about the importance of this message - I was literally blown away by the contribution that this auto guy would be doing.

I am sure, that the auto driver would have known how critical it is to take the mother to the hospital at the right time for delivery.  The first thought one would get when they see such a message, is that he is actually helping the poor. What many of us fail to recognize is the uncertainty we carry everyday when we leave our house. I can see lot many cases where affordability is not the problem, but availability of cash that would be the issue. Imagine a lady who is carrying, just forgot to take her purse to the office, and she suddenly gets delivery pain - she would know the value of the service this auto guy would be doing.

To keep it short, this auto guy, whoever it is, made my day. I actually feel so privileged to leave amongst such people. I am sure they would find GOD in Small things.. 

Expérimentation de vie

It has always been thrilling for me to experiment and learn, especially in the game of life. Science and fiction have always fascinated me, and the most interesting or may be embarrassing, is the way people relate each other. However, this time, I am sharing something similarly weird.

Driving is one thing that has always hooked me in. Now if I say I am passionate about driving and I am crazy about cars, you would start asking about the prices, engine stuff or may be about F1, which I am not so informative at. For me passion is mostly in experiencing stuff, than just mere knowledge.

Coming to the point, I travel about 15kms one way from my home to office, and there are more than one ways to go. If you are new to Bangalore, let me tell you that it is heaven but for pathetic traffic. There are 2 major routes through which I can come to my office. The first one is through the main roads, and there are around 13 traffic signals. The alternative route is having around 9 signals, but the roads are narrow, and around a kilometer more than the former one. Every time I travelled the second route, I used to feel it was a long one, and consumed more time, because I never stopped, but I was also slow (due to narrow roads). So now I did an experiment, to see which route worked out better for me – and surprisingly found out that with respect to both mileage and my total cost of travelling, the latter route worked out to be beneficial. In-fact my mileage increased nearly by 25%, and my total cost of travelling decreased by 20%.

So if this was the experiment, the analysis started later. What is it in the second route that it benefitted me? This was the road which was narrow, but the biggest advantage was the number of signals was less by approx 20%. On the contrary, the main roads (of the 1st route) were broad, and it was easier to overtake (comparatively) and speed up too. There was one significant thing that came out this exercise (after some introspection), in the first route, I used to halt and proceed, continuously; where as in the second one, there wasn’t much halting, and I used to proceed at almost a constant pace (though that pace was slower than the first one). So zero speed was the major culprit.

This is so relevant to human body and mind too. I am sure for most of them who start some new activities, like jogging, have this starting problem – it is so difficult to get out of the bed and go for jogging. Again getting out of zero is the problem. Similarly once you start jogging, and mid way (may be after 10-15 days) you are not able to continue for a few days, again we are struck. On the other hand, just in-case you can’t go for a full fledged jog, due to lack of time, try going for a smaller jog rather than stopping fully; it would be a lot easier to go for a full jog from a lesser one, than starting all over from zero.

It is such a co-incidence, that the power of zero is exhibited in physics too – The force required to get a body from rest to motion is more than the force required to keep the same body in motion. (To put it in a geekier manner - Force to overcome Static friction is more than the force to overcome kinetic friction).

Anyone interested to read more about the power of zero, I suggest read “Predictably Irrational”.

The more I experiment, the more I realize there are few major forces (I don’t know what those are) on which things work. Now I may be wrong!!!

"No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong."

-  Albert Einstein 

Job-less Apple

Steve Jobs has reportedly taken medical leave, and Tim Cook, the COO, would be taking over the control of day-to-day operations. Jobs, being a pancreatic cancer survivor, had a liver transplant last year. It is so surprising that media is filled with news of "Apple without Jobs", more than Job’s health.

The news reports speculate about the successor for Jobs, and indicate that the formation of a succession plan is in the top of mind agenda for the Apple’s stakeholders (primarily BOD).  I have been a huge fan of Steve Jobs, from almost the time I have known about his dramatic come-back to Apple and its subsequent transformation process into a 300 billion $ worth majestic empire.

Here comes the bigger question. What’s the role to a leader? Is it to generate more leaders? If one generates more leaders, how can one substantiate his own existence, after sometime?

I would consider Jobs, as a leader par excellence, because of the following -

• Apple didn’t stop when Jobs wasn’t around. In-fact, most of 2009, Jobs wasn’t on work. But Apple still did come out with upgrades, version revisions of its products.
• Last time, Cook and his colleagues did a commendable job of managing the company. This has put Cook in the good books of Apple and specifically Jobs.

The culture of creating blockbusters is imbibed into the nerves of Apple. With the few readings that I have  done on Jobs, and as some of the anecdotes about Jobs indicate - the most salient feature of Jobs is his negotiation skills. Steve Jobs is said to have formidable negotiation skills. This can also been seen in the way he changed the whole music industry and the print media. When Apple came out with iPhones, AT&T had to pay for every iPhone sold, unlike previously, where the equations were reversed.

Talking of shares of Apple, time is evidence that it fell 4% as soon as the news of Jobs taking leave was announced, but bounced back 2% after the quarterly results were announced. The next year seems more glorious than the past, starting with the Verizon subscribed iPhone sales.

Though Jobs absence would be felt, it should not shake Apple fundamentally. So lets stop speculating about Apple, and rather pray for Jobs.