The true demeanor...

Yesterday, one of my friend commented - "Thoda to has le” (Atleast Smile). The matter of fact is that, I do realize that I don’t smile during a certain period, even though I make an effort to do so. Sometimes, I feel that it’s obviating for me to smile. I try being jovial, most of the time, infact I have been known for my loud laughter in many of the places I have worked. I try to work out a palatable solution to my problem of intenseness. My brain has been thinking about this thing, until I came across an article, which almost gave me an answer.

The story explained about the “Agni” god, and how Rishis placed fire in a specially prepared altar and made offerings of clarified butter while chanting the hymns in order to invoke the gods and moisten their lips, so that they showered blessings on earth. Going by the story, Agni got tired of having clarified butter, and had to consume something raw and primal, like raw woods. Agni, hence approached the Pandavas (remember Mahabharata) and begged them to let him burn to the ground a dense untamed forest. On Krishna’s advice, the Pandavas offered Agni an inherited forest land. After this, Agni regained his original splendor.

The writer excellently brings a similar analogy between how Goddess Kali (wild and blood thirty) turns to Goddess Gowri (demure and docile), when tamed and domesticated. However, there are times when Goddess wants to break-free, become Kali for a day or two, and regain her original splendor. These are kind of regenerating activities.

This gave me a solid reason, as to why sometimes, I lose my temper so soon, or why I struggle to smile. No doubt, I feel a sense of freeness when I fight an argument without much diplomacy, because that’s me. I have my own original forest and flames. Even though I may not choose to nurture those flames and burn forests, I prefer to be truly myself for a change.

I do realize I have lost a lot of people because of these transitions, but they were friends of “Camouflaged Shravan”. And those who have seen my flames and still chosen to be with me are my true friends and off course the number is small.

Don’t be surprised, after some years, if I am spotted with my friends in the footpath adda where we used to drink 2 rs tea, and not in a posh restaurant…